What Is it about Domination and submission?


I’m working on a series of answers to questions I’ve been thinking about lately. Some questions have come from my own scattered mind. Some have come from other subbies. If you have one you’d like to open up for discussion, just post it and I’ll add it to my list to address.

At first D/s in my head was more about giving all decision making to Mr. HH and relinquishing my control of our marriage. I had a fuzzy picture of him making decisions that I had been making for years. I imagined that he would be able to take up this gauntlet seamlessly, and I would be able to finally relax and ride in the passenger seat of our lives. In some ways, I really did think he would order me to stop acting bitchy, hold me accountable for my foolish health decisions, intervene with my crazy family, and…

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But wait…there’s more

So I’ve been thinking….yes again. Actually I never really stopped thinking about this. It has constantly been on my mind if not in the forefront, simmering on the back burner with a note saying “Important, stir regularly”. And that’s what I’ve done.

I’ll be the first to admit, I know nothing about this type of situation other than what I’ve witnessed/ been told or read on the internet. And as credible as each of those sources are, nothing is better than hands on experiance. Literally. Im talking about relationsips. And not the “vanilla” type either.

I’ve known from my teen years that such things existed, but they were always painted as taboo and not to be talked about or examined. And being the goody two shoes as I was I didnt question or challange that order. Then I moved away and realized there was a whole new world that I knew nothing about but was too insecure to venture in and take a look at personally. Time passed and I took my time stealing glances at this world but never really commiting to it. After all it went against everything that I was raised to believe to be right or wrong.

The more I looked the more I realised there are a multitude of layers and sublayers! It would be very easy to get lost in this new reality, might be best to start out slow and test the waters. Having been out of any sort of personal relationship for eight years, there was the lingering fear that I would jump in and royal mess up. or even worse mess it up for someone else. And that just wouldnt do. Myself, sure I can handle that and fix it but someone else….

The main part that I see that attracts me is the role of a protector and guide. I have never been an “Alpha Male” personality so some of the stricter roles would not work for me as I would bend too easily and be manipulated. But Protector I can do as that is in my nature. And spoiling a loved one with attention and gifts at random just because? Count me in, Im already there!

Now I know there is a lot more than fun and games with this relationship. There is the coaching, listening, allowing the partner to express freely and ask questions. The emotional connection is deeper and needs more work than the physical connection. As luck would have it though, this goes both ways. I need her to need me to want me to be this type of person for her. I cant be a passing fancy, someone she leans on in a pinch and then skips off when it’s easy going. I want her to be independant as a woman and able to stand on her own too feet, and yet know that I’ll be there for her when she cant.


I knew almost instantly that I wanted that type of love in my life. To have someone I could take care of in every sense and who would trust me to do so. No matter what I asked of them. The struggle would be opening myself up to allow them to return the favour. I was raised to be the soldier who carried the world silently on his shoulders. No complaining, no asking for help, for there were weaker souls who could not carry at all. I was there to make their life a little less painful. My struggles were my own and no one elses. But inside I screamed for a release, someone I could unload my thoughts to, and not be considered a burden. But I had to choose carefully. Talk to the wrong person and my private life would be broadcasted all over the town. Confide in the wrong soul and then find that they were too burdened already and my issues had broke them. I would have to be careful. Patience is my friend…. 

Dark Side

88517239For all my fun loving, easy going ways, I have a dark side. It keeps me up some nights wondering, worrying. Did I push too far, did I ask too much. Is there more I could have done. It houses my demon that keeps me awake at night and taunts me during the day. I hate being alone and yet it seems that is the path the fates have chosen for me this time around. So I move to help those around me so that hopefully in someway I can pay off what ever debt is overshadowing this lifetime. Was I evil in a past life. Did I cause harm that only my solitude will appease? Will my next round bring relief? I dont know. I am invisible. A name carried in the wind. My foundation is broken, maybe you can salvage something from the wreckage to create your own. If so, I will be satisfied.

The Universe Gave Us A Submissive


A Dominant was walking through a field one day ,and a female appeared out of nowhere . At first the Dominant was stunned, and the Submissive spoke.

I am here to serve you Master in anyway you see fit. I am here for your use and you may use as you see fit. I shall cook for you, I will clean your kingdom, I will kneel at your feet, you can take me anytime , anyplace you see fit. I will never argue with you because you are my world, I will never tell you that you are wrong, and I shall always walk the path you choose.

I will be here through good times and bad, I will take care of you when you are sick. You can communicate with me on all levels, and yes you may even confide in me, for what you tell me goes no…

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I dont want perfection, and all its glory.
I want your tortured soul
For in it I see a beauty
That only an angel could bestow

I see your struggles I sense your pain
A delicate flower in torrential rain
I see your scars with the stories they tell
I know this one has been to hell

And yet you stand with head held high
A silent defiance to the thundering skies
You once were broken, your soul did mend
Now proud you stand, you will not bend

Response from Dominant :)


Since subbie outlined her views on BDSM as a sub, I thought I would reply with my ideas on BDSM as a Dom.

To me the traditional role of a Dominant is a challenge. I know it sounds strange to say this, but it is true. And I think that it is somewhat due to the role that “The Dom” is given in popular fiction and media. The “Mr Greys”, the leather clad Dommes, the “arsehole” Doms who are just out to fulfil their own desires at the expense of their subs, these are often the role people attribute to a “Dom”. And its not true, well in most cases not. We have all met the pretenders, the people who call themselves Doms, but have no idea of what that title really means, or the responsibility they are taking into the hands by classing themselves as Doms.

It may seem…

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Heart and Experiance

I have many voices in my head. We argue, laugh, and discuss ideas like old friends. And yet there are two that are louder than the rest and when they speak up everyone else shuts up and listens for a spell. They are heart and experience. Right now they are in a heated debate about a subject which has been sidelined for too long.

Heart is a quiet unassuming entity. Gentle and easily moved. looking for the best in life and people in it, he often often overlooks critical points sometimes to his own peril.His task is to help Experience look for the silver lining, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for without him Experience would shut down and never grow.

Experience is a weather beaten veteran. He has seen the trenches and the evils of human nature, and usually foresee when something can and will go wrong. His sole purpose is to protect Heart from damage. For without Experience, heart would be ruined beyond repair.

Right now they are discussing a person very close to Heart. He wants to bring her close and share her with Experience, so that together they might grow. Heart has grown quite fond of this little flower, probably more than is reasonable given the current circumstances. It started off innocently enough, and unintentional. They were just friends walking on a road headed the same direction with the masses. They would chat for a spell then take off and continue with their own lives waving at each other from a distance. But then the chats became longer, the subject deeper.

Heart consulted with Experience but was advised against any further actions. Experience opened up the record books to show that anytime Heart had gotten close to anyone else it had always ended badly. There was the accident/ the suicide and the one that left town with no warning in the middle of the night. Did Heart really need to add to the list? But Heart countered that this one was different. There is a perceived connection that needed exploring, that would be a waste if not tapped into to find its fullest potential.

But then Experience raised a valid point. This flower is not in your garden to water and tend to as you wish. This is someones Secret Garden. Yes the gate might be open and it might be in need of some care after years of neglect. But at the end of the day, all you can do is walk through and offer advice to the caretaker. If Heart were to jump in and start to cultivate the lands there would be more harm than good done and in the end one could not take pride in the finished product for it either would not be his or obtained under a faulty guise.

And so Heart bows to Experience. There is no denying he is right this time. But Heart will always be open, looking for that flower he can claim. For when he does it will be the greatest achievement of all time. And a chance to put everything that Experience has taught him to use, to create something beautiful, that can be shown to the world with pride.